i had to process a lot of stuff before i went back to work, what was my role, what did i do, or not do. apparently my mo is avoid, and i know that i did. i felt like i tried, god how i tried. when you constantly reach out and try and it is not reciprocated, you give up, and i know i did. and giving up is not ok, that is mine to own. i didn't call her on it, well i did, but too little, too late. too hard and too mean i just need to think about what i do that gives others the impression that they can leave me last. so fucking disrespectful how did i ever give them the idea that was ok, seriously? so, before i went in today, i came to an acceptance of my role, that i let it happen, i didn't call it, it was too hard and i gave up. i think i tried, thinking back, i tried over and over again and again.. then i just let her have her way, convincing myself that i should not interfere. so, today, i went to work, positive, ready, open. the day went well. at the end of the day, i spoke with another staff person, to follow up, because, you know, i FUCKING CARE .... i really do, i actually do, and it hurts that no one thinks i do. so, anyway, she said, oh, we have a "xxx" meeting at 4:30. a project i expressed interest in, attended and set some outcomes from. i couldn't be at the follow up, but the next meeting (today) was set, and NO ONE let me know. like i was fucking invisible. and i couldn't stay today. so, at 4:27 or so, give or take a minute or two, SHE lets me know, oh, we are having an XXX meeting, if you want to come. really. 3 minute warning. no respect for me, my time, for anything. so, what i take is 1) i am not important to the meeting 2) you don't want me there because I might present a different view 3) i am invisible and you just forgot me.. (same as 1).
she sent me an email, in response to one I sent 22 days prior. just catching up... lol really? what if I took two or three weeks to answer your emails?
anyway, back to me. she suggested that I was not hearing things. huh
always some truth, but in this case what she suggested is actually her truth. she only hears the parts she agrees with and filters the rest
so, what to do.\
1) confront the disrespect-
2) ask about the filter, we all have one, what is her's
3) make peace, choose your battles
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